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Adjusting to a New Reality


// Tony Cooke

Whenever we lose a loved one, we are forced to make many adjustments. While some adjustments are practical and external, others are emotional and internal. Some may seem trivial—others monumental. Any and every adjustment can be difficult to make, simply because change itself is difficult.

Human beings are creatures of habit. We prefer to live in our comfort zone. We arrange our life until we're comfortable; then we want everything to stay put.


Everything Changes
We must realize that everything pertaining to this earthly realm is subject to change whether we like it or not. None of our relationships are permanent because some of us will leave this earth sooner than others.

Some transitions are easier to handle than others. When a loved one dies, there is usually so much more involved than just the person no longer being with us. The added issues can make the transition very difficult.

Dependency Issues
How much did we depend upon that person? What role did he or she play in our life? Perhaps we found a great sense of self-worth in caring for that person. Will we find a sense of worth and purpose elsewhere, or will we feel as though we no longer have value?

Identity Issues
Perhaps our goals and dreams were wrapped up in our loved one—and now that person is gone! Will our hopes and aspirations also die, or will we be able to discover new purpose and direction in life?

Companionship Issues
Loneliness is commonly encountered when a loved one dies, and these feelings can be intense. Don't be alarmed if you have strong feelings of loneliness. Just as God gave you the gift of being able to give love to and receive love from that person, He will also give you strength and resiliency to move forward.

A Look at King David's Recovery
King David experienced numerous losses throughout his life. One of them involved the death of his child. The story is recorded in Second Samuel 12:16–23. Let us recognize what his example might mean for us when we experience the loss of a loved one.

David prayed, fasted, wept, and sought God in the situation (vv. 16–18).
David did everything he could to try to turn the situation around for his son. In the final analysis, however, he did not receive the outcome he wanted.

David forced himself to accept news he did not want to hear. He arose from the ground, washed, and anointed himself (vv. 19–20). Sometimes in life we get knocked down. But we are the ones who decide if we are going to stay down. Washing has to do with getting rid of yesterday's grime and receiving a fresh start today. It has to do with embracing a new beginning. In Bible days, oil was a lotion that brought comfort, refreshing, and relief to a person.

David changed his clothes (v. 20).
In Bible times, clothes spoke volumes about the wearer and what he was experiencing. A king's robe, a beggar's rags, and a mourner's sackcloth all told a story about the ones who wore them.

David went to the house of the Lord and worshiped (v. 20).
In spite of the pain David experienced, he turned to God and honored Him in worship.

David went back to his home and ate (v. 20).
Life was going to continue. David went back to his normal surroundings and returned to his regular

He will also give you strength and resiliency to move forward.


After the death of a loved one, adjusting to a new reality will be different for each person. For most people, recovery from significant loss is a lengthy process. Be assured that God is with you every step of the way.

Missing someone you love is a tribute to that person and his or her influence in your life. Moving forward, making the necessary adjustments, and finding new purpose for yourself is a tribute to God and His influence in your life.








Romans 4:20 (NIV) says that Abraham “did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God.” Many years ago my father, Kenneth E. Hagin, wrote in the flyleaf of his Bible, “God said it; I believe it; and that settles it.” Abraham had this same attitude, and we need to grab hold of it too. No matter how bad our situation looks, our victory is found in God’s promises and in never letting go of what our Heavenly Father has said.
Don’t Be Double-Minded
Often today believers affirm their faith publicly, but when they are by themselves, they begin to question God. They wonder if He can really help them. The moment they start doubting, they begin wavering in their faith.
The Bible is very clear about the danger of wavering.
James 1:6–7 (NIV)
6 When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
Faith does not look at circumstances, and it doesn’t regard feelings. It stays completely focused on God’s Word. Unfortunately, some people allow their situations and feelings to “speak” louder than Scripture.
Some people lose their healing because they stop looking at the Word and focus on what’s going on in their body. It’s dangerous to do this, because before long they will start talking wrong. They’ll begin to say things like, “I thought I was healed. I guess I lost my healing.”
When we start talking like that, we throw out our healing and open the door for the devil and all of his junk to come back in. If we would just stand strong on the Word, every symptom would leave.
Look to the Word
Anytime the enemy bombards your mind with his lies, you must counter those lies with the Word of God. When lack rears its ugly head, read what God said about prosperity. When sickness impacts your body, meditate on healing scriptures. When fear invades your life, find peace scriptures to read. When impossibilities stare you in the face, the Word holds your answer.
Reading God’s promises keeps us focused on them instead of on the distractions that are sent to prevent us from receiving what God has for us. When facing the impossible, we can’t afford to look at whatever is coming against us.
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